The invisible power of manipulation

Today I'm going to tell you something about manipulation. Because it bothers me a lot and I want to know that someone is playing with me. I recognise it myself because of my strong intuition but I know that some people don't have it so I will help you with tips to find people who want to hurt you. It's okay to lose them! In time you learn that this loss was good for you. 

How to spot manipulation, even if it is not obvious?

I sometimes think that life would be a lot easier if people who manipulate wore warning signs around their necks. But no - manipulation is dangerous precisely because it is often subtle. It is not always about blatant lies or threats. Sometimes it comes wrapped in a nice package of concern, love or even humour. And that is why I think it is important to learn to recognise these patterns before we are sucked into a game where we always lose.

1. Guilt as a weapon

"Gee, I really thought you were different..."

"Oh, so you don't want to help me? Never mind, I'll find my own way..." (that really sounds like me, but I really can do it all by myself, it's not the same! Look my slovenian blog has 92.000 views already in  and I did it almost without help!) 

If someone makes you feel guilty just because you set boundaries, that's manipulation. People who really respect you will not take your "no" as an attack or rejection.

2. Silent punishment

Someone is offended but you don't even know what you have done wrong. They don't talk to you, ignore you, act distant... until you feel so awful that you start apologising, even though you're not sure what went wrong. This tactic is designed to make you take responsibility for someone else - and thus lose your power.

3. False guardianship

"I just want you to get better..."

"I'm doing this for you because I love you."

Sometimes manipulation is hidden in excessive care. But if someone is constantly making decisions for you and controlling your life under the guise of caring, that's a red flag. Love is not about limiting your freedom.

4. Gaslighting

"It didn't happen."

"You're too sensitive."

"You know you've got it all wrong."

If someone convinces you that your feelings are not valid or that you have misunderstood something, this is one of the worst forms of manipulation. If you start to doubt your own judgement, you become totally dependent on that person's opinion.

5. Pushing the boundaries quickly

First something is not a problem, then suddenly it is. The person slowly pushes you out of your comfort zone, little by little. At first you think it's no big deal, until you realise that you are far away from your own values and beliefs.

How to protect yourself?

The best way to protect yourself from manipulation is to trust how you feel. If you feel bad, guilty or confused in a relationship for no apparent reason, it is not a coincidence. Real people don't play games - they communicate honestly and respectfully.

Make your voice count. If something is not right, don't imagine that you are the problem. You may have just found a manipulator who is not ready to take on someone who can't turn him or her around.

That's it for today we read it all again in 4 days. For more of this kind of content, subscribe to the newsletter and share it.