Today, I'm going to talk about a topic that has been on my mind for some time now and that often gets on my nerves. The question is: "Why don't you have your driver's license yet?"
This question usually never ends with cars. It always goes deeper—into our family, into why my father can't drink alcohol, and especially into that rude question: "Didn't your father give you money for that?" That's when I lose it. People start digging into personal things that hurt and giving advice where no one asked for it.
Independence has its price (and its value)
At school, they don't teach us that every decision has a price that isn't always measured in euros. When it came to the exam, I had two paths before me: the path of comfort and the path of independence.
The path of comfort (taking money from my parents): I could ask my father to pay for it. But if my parents don't have the money, that exam is not a gift. It's a burden. When you take money that your parents can't afford to miss, you buy a feeling of guilt. You become the designated "babysitter" and driver for all those who like to indulge in alcohol at parties, and you have to be their solution. You become the one who has no right to say "no" because you "owe them something."
The path to independence (paying for yourself): This is the path I chose. I paid for my first aid and CPP lectures myself. Why? Because this independence means more to me than a piece of paper in my wallet. When you put your hard-earned money on the table, you buy yourself freedom. That's the real school of life—when you know you've achieved something on your own, without conditions and without debts.
How to say "no" to your parents' money?
Many of you are in a similar situation, feeling pressure to accept something even though you know in your heart that it will weigh you down. Saying "no" to your parents' money is not rude – it is a sign of maturity. You can simply say:
"I appreciate your help, but I want to do this on my own. It is important to me to earn my degree through my own efforts, because it will give me greater confidence and peace of mind."
This sets a boundary. You protect yourself and your relationship with them.
Life lesson: How to shut them up immediately?
Because I know it's sometimes hard to stay calm when people are pestering you, I've prepared some short answers (3-4 words). Choose the one that suits you best and say it calmly, almost a little bored:
"That's my business." (A classic that immediately sets a boundary.)
"Interesting that you're interested." (Then immediately look away or at your phone.)
"I have my reasons." (Without explaining what they are.)
"It's not a topic for today."
"Don't worry, I know."
If you want to be a little more blunt (with interest):
"Interesting, is your life perfect?"
"Do you have too much free time?"
Don't let people who don't know your story dictate your pace. Be proud of your independence, even if your steps are slow. Your path is yours alone.
If this post has touched you or you know someone who is currently struggling with similar pressures from those around them, share it with your friends. Let them know that choosing independence over comfort is sometimes the hardest but also the best decision.
Write to me in the comments, have you ever chosen the harder path just to maintain your inner peace?
Hugs, Eva.
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