Setting boundaries was one of the hardest, yet most groundbreaking lessons of my life. For a long time, I lived in the belief that being a good and devoted person meant always being available to everyone, rushing to help, and suppressing my own emotions just to avoid creating conflict. I thought it was my duty to fix situations and take care of my family, my mom and my grandma, even when they refused to listen to advice and were causing harm to their own health. However, an experience from a few days ago held up a harsh mirror to me. When you try so hard to help and look for practical solutions for them—to the point of risking your own security when you are currently without a steady job and planning your future sole proprietorship just so you can continue standing by their side—it hurts deeply to realize that your effort and sacrifice are not appreciated in the eyes of your family.
It hurts the most when you hear your own family tell you to simply get lost, just because you dared to express your anger, frustration, and worry out loud and with a raised voice. It is even worse when someone starts criticizing and accusing you, saying you shouldn't express your emotions because someone else is ill and therefore you have no right to be angry, cry, or show distress. This belief that you have to sweep your feelings under the rug and stay quiet brought me to the feeling that I am just in everyone's way and that I have no right to feel bad. When someone preferred to focus only on their own worries and thought only of themselves, instead of listening to the second half of my story—the part where I feel completely unheard, unneeded, and taken advantage of—the damage was already done. Even a later apology could not instantly erase that heavy feeling of being nothing more than a burden to those you help the most.
When your own grandma tells you to get lost right to your face, for a moment it really feels like it would be best to just leave and put everything behind you. But those who utter such harsh words don't even realize what that actually means—it means that they are left completely alone, with no one left who is willing and capable of carefully looking after them both. Yet, out of this pain, my most important realization about boundaries was born. I realized that if my family does not respect me and does not accept my feelings, then I must set a firm boundary. I will no longer sweep my feelings under the rug because of other people's illnesses or excuses. My health, my emotions, and my peace are just as important. Setting a boundary means that you stop being a savior for those who do not appreciate you, and that you finally direct your energy into yourself, into your future business, and into your own freedom.
Hugs, Eva
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